intro

so school has started. i have had all of my classes. i have Greek tomorrow.
things are going well. leah and i had a good conversation concerning marraige. ya know when and how i would ask. it will either be this summer or the next i dont. we are just talking. no planning yet anyway.
well since i am here at school i know that
things will come up and i will type some
more later on.
if anyone ever read these pages and messages
can you let me know.
my email is kyle.beard@cascade.oc.edu
i would just like to know. if not then sweet i am now talking to myself.
peace out

my little black book

i just got a new poetry/ journal/ notebook to record my thoughts and prayers and poems and ideas in. it is really cool. it is black and leather. i love it. it is very special to me because my girlfriend who is very special to me gave it to me. what a thoughtful and wonderful person she is to me. i really do appreciate her.

well i know that i have not written very much. not since february. i will do my best to write 3 things a month from now on. hopefully more though.
if you are reading this i appreciate that you are taking
time out of your busy schedule to read these petty words.
i hope that you enjoy what i have to say.

ill write soon

wishful thoughts

this is a story all out about how my life got flipped and turned upside down.
now i'd to take a minute so just sit right there
i'm gonna tell how i ate a banana cream pie
... ... ... ...
What do you wish for?
better yet do you wish at all?
you should. i believe you should because i believe that wishes are prayers
you can pray/ wish for anything you want. anything at all.
you could wish for fresh banana's at the store the next morning.
not neccessarily for you to eat, but maybe for others.
what if someone was running by the store and they became overwhelmed with
a huge cramp? what would they do? they could ask someon, a nice person
to go into the store and buy them banana's. but not just any banana's. no
they had to be fresh banana's because non-fresh banana's do not have the amount of potassium
that fresh ones do. so because you wished/ prayed for fresh banana's at the store the next morning, that runner, who could've lost his leg or even died of cramping too much, was saved. good job wishing.
so next time you think that wishing is a waste of time, just remember this story and maybe you will change someone's life forever.
i wish that you will wish.

living under The influence

there once was a man
he did not live in
accordance to the people
around him, but lived
in such a way that made
the world shun him
not that he was bad per say
but he did things
outside the box
he was just misunderstood
he was just misjudged
nevertheless he still
walked around with his
head up high
always looking toward the Sun
for guidance during the day
for guidance during the night

he was a man that bled
just like everyone else around him
he suffered and cried and laughed
he swam and went on
adventures with his buddies
yet he was still an
"out-of-bounds" guy
he did not play by the rules
infact he made his own rules

this man was born
this man lived a life
this man died

let us have a moment
of silence for him
...
he led a great life
one could even say
the best life out there
his life is still talked about
people remember him
what he say'd
what he did
where he went
whom he met
there was just something about him
that was attractive
not his face
nor his hands
perhaps it was
his voice and presence
yes, that is it

i wonder if anyone will remember me
and for what
what have i done
what will i do
what am i doing
and is it for me
or is it for others

all i know is
now
is that that man,
this man lives

my dirty cup over flows

1. my perverse ways
are controversial
to the community of
Imperfect persons
swimming toward
their own telos
Through Love and Peace
we see the oranges
of our dirty shoes,
of our cauloused hands
If we are intentionally incarnational
then windows and doors will
open and the calm air of
Christ will stir the
stagnant lifestyle
of our faith


2. make us kindergardeners
so that things around
us become shined on,
lightened, so in
turn we change our
clothes of bricks to
clear and trasparent
armor being shown to all

Peach Cobbler

Anxious feet
come walking toward
the new horizon
of this summer
words were shared
like kindergarden songs
pictures were addressed
red cheeks flourished
plates cleaned off
spoons played with
laughs appeared
As far as travel goes
anxious feet and
sweaty hands
became hugs and
"see you later's"

appreciation not deprivation
was consumed
interest and smiles
roamed the room
i liked what i saw
i liked what was said
if there is one thing that
i can say before i leave
that is
"To Hell 'withe' Devil!!"

im praying for rain.

i love words because i can say anything i want, that i know of.

things said before
were only moments
awkward smiles and
quick eye glances came and went
time for change time for rain
tomorrow is something different
the past has passed
the future has just begun

these words are in reference to words past

new sheets

For the sake of sanity, the next step must be taken
Someone needs to flip the switch from "off" to "on."
Coins need to drop into the slot of decision
Just as the waves receede and progress
I know what i must do, i confess...
To lose stress i must make my bed.

words of the unwise

Do i write to color in the white space? No.
I do this for the simple reason. Because i can.

hopefully no burned bridges

I dont know what to say when i see you today
I thought i might make a joke or saw something silly
All that came out was an awkward laugh and silence
I assumed things would be the same because of the difference
I think they are worse
Because i havent exchanged words with you
I feel like a jerk
Just because water and earth separated us
Doesn't mean we are on a timer.
I dont want anything in return only that your eyes would see, your ears would hear,
and your heart open.

i have seen your open eyes

The people here are all smiles
Only a frown here and there, every once in awhile
People have changed. They seem different now
I can't put my finger on how
The feelings i felt, have been lost in space
Never have they resurfaced to find your warm embrace
Forgotten are the heartbeats that shaped me before
Til i looked over my shoulder and saw more than i thought
What attracted me most was not what you bought, not your voice, your hair, but your eyes
Those eyes of Wonder that have seen more than most
Those eyes that one day will see the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost

tears and sniffles

Don't cry angel Don't cry. Use my sleeve
Face hidden in your hands is your action
I never wanted you to leave
I thought, after, i would get another satisfaction

indoors

I dont know why i keep holding it inside
my words fall to pieces like glass
the moments i hide. the moments i confide.
Eyes staring back at me are just a figment of my imagination
just a thing of the past.

not the future

Now that you're here i know that you're gone
I can see that i was blind before
I can no longer hear the sounds of air
I can no longer smell the dew
I found out that when i see your face
and when i remember your eyes
i start to gaze on the thoughts of the past

fishing for more time

I once dreamed a dream that had an endless ocean
The sea was so far and so wide
There was no place to hide my doubts and fears of all the years that i thought of you.

megaphone

Sometimes i find myself looking at you
It seems as if i didn't notice
I don't quite understand why you were crying
I said goodbye to you, but it only lasted a few months
Now that i have your attention
I wish you could see me here
Listen with your ear please
I thought I'd take you somewhere
where only the footprints of birds have seen

fire the puppeteer

why do i have to be macho and manly. do i have to show off all the time. how come i think that is what is necessary. why cant i just be who i am and not pretend. i dont want to be some puppet that is stringed around so that everyone can see what i am doing. what i am doing is being controlled. i do not want to be controlled, at least like that. no not at all. its a waste of my time. ill throw it in the basket. dump it out the third story window. no the only thing i want to do is be myself, but i cant get over it. i cant no matter how hard i try. at the same time i am getting distracted by this other. this other is rare. rarer than a hair on my head. other is not bad. quite the opposite, but i am feeling the feeling i felt earlier. do i do what i want, my heart, or do i do what i am told, puppetted to do, or do i do nothing. i dont know. i guess this is a prayer praying for not answers but for clarity.

eyes to the soul not to the stomach

big muscles mean nothing to you. do they? do they mean something? is it stability? is it dominance? i can be buff. i can be built like a rock if that is what it takes. i can dominate. i can not be take advantage of. is that it? am i a wuss to you? i need you to open your eyes, even for the simple fact that i need you to look into mine. i need you to see what i see, otherwise i blind. and believe me. blindedness is not something to mess with. i want you to see so i can see. i need you to. cause if you do, whether it is temporary or permantent, then i can finally see what is infront of me. just tell me when you open your eyes, so that i know when to shut mine.